two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl

Jesus.

Haven't been doing much besides school and AIESEC. It's a little disgusting, really.

I don't know. I'm a little worried about school. Mostly Econ. I can barely stand it. Maybe it's just the way the prof teaches, or the models he's chosen. It feels totally useless if you have to impose all these unrealistic assumptions. (E.g. closed economies, three-good/sector economies, three strictly distinct social groups, etc.) I just don't see the value of obscuring the complexities of history and reality. Sociology, on the other hand, I'm quite pleased with, as it veritably thrives on complexity and societal chaos. There's a real purpose to Sociology almost, even a sense of moral understanding in the midst of all that convoluted discourse and narrative.

I'm a little bit done with all of this. School, AIESEC, Vancouver even. I mostly just want to curl up in crisp, cool sheets, and just sleep for several hours. Several hours. I miss sleeping in. Reading things that don't make me want to peel my fingernails off one by one. Driving with no set destination. The silence of blank walls and empty spaces. I guess I just miss having no obligations at all. Having no constraints on my time, no exogenous expectations dumped on me. From all of it, over all, I guess I've just gotten more impatient. With certain people, certain types of people. With certain circumstances and ideologies. It's made me... just a little more unbearable. A little more oblivious, because now I'm less hesitant to burn bridges. And that's what I'm going to do after this, to an extent. I'll choose my bridges well, to be sure. I'm just no longer afraid to admit that some of them are expendable.

Maybe I should go back to Manila. It's been feeling more and more necessary these past few months. Not just to see old friends, to be with my dad and my stinky brother (the other one). But to just actually see it again, to actually experience how it's changed. Those small, sometimes cataclysmic, shifts; those moans and groans of a house that wants nothing more than to cave in and take everything with it. But, at the same time, I think I'd find it excruciating. Seeing whatever I left behind swept away or written over. Not having contributed to the set of circumstances currently steering its course.

(Jeebus, I'm always so maudlin when I'm on this thing.)

ZOMG, I can't wait.