My econ prof is so far the only person I know who says things like "gizmo" and "in cahoots." It would be more charming if he'd given me a better grade on my midterm. I find it a little irritating. An offshoot of self-hate mostly.
This post is going to be a little drenched in self-pity. Just because. Just because it's not even 9:00 p.m., and I've already worked my way through 3-quarters of a bottle of wine. (A nice cabernet sauvignon.) It's like a light just went out. I even know when, I know exactly when. Sunday night, in the parking lot. I was just sitting in my car, staring at my rain-splattered windshield, when all of a sudden, something inside me decided to be sad. And I haven't been able to shake it off. This wretched thing.
I've been sleeping ridiculously early, waking up at inconvenient hours (2:00 a.m.) and just zombie-walking my way through the rest of the day. This happens all the time, but usually it's a conscious decision given a particular set of circumstances. Like scenarios involving an ex, some pictures and new people. Or scenarios involving my mother. Those sort of things. I'm so chemically/emotionally unstable. It might be all imaginary, but that's even scarier.
(The last time I saw D, he offered me some bud and I said no. When all I really wanted was to be persuaded to accept a few joints. Why didn't he see that?)
I want to go buy something. Some top or skirt, or shoe. I know that's really immature, and really annoying and ignorant. But I'm just really, really feeling sorry for myself. And I don't even know why. I've been staring at my ceiling for the past 2 nights. Thinking, mulling, sulking. Sometimes it's what I do best, but I'd like to be able to justify it.
In other news... I have no other news. My life is trash, I'm lonely, I'm average, I'm half-pissed (and there's no wine left).
And I'm a hypocrite, because religious people just make me want to shit myself. Stop talking to me if you have to, but don't "cheapen what we had" by testing your missionary/preacher skills on me. It's like you see me as an empty space, just waiting to be (re)filled with the golden grace of Jesus's love or something. It pisses me off. I'm not a lesser person because I don't subscribe to your belief, or even your pattern of belief. If I were Muslim or Jewish, I wouldn't be getting this shit from you.
Ok, now I'm just all mad. But, shit, man.
And isn't this the cutest thing ever? It brings me back to those days back in high school when I'd whimper to myself because no one understood that woolen products deprive sheep of their natural protection against the vagaries of nature. At least they acknowledge their contributions to human commerce and fuzzy warmth.
http://theseflocks.com
1 comment:
(joint? count me in.)
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